So I was interviewed today by a journalist at LOOK magazine UK. She wanted to know about my blahg and whatnot, it was very nice. I just answered a ton of questions in text form and tried not to overthink it because the girl seemed to be on a tight deadline and I wanted to be sure she got everything she needed as soon as possible.
Now I’m rereading and rereading and rereading what I sent her and want to modify ALL OF IT but I CAN’T because she already has it and said it was great! I mean she says that, but SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW.
Sometimes it takes me forever to write anything, especially emails and texts and things or even this post right now. I overthink and second-guess until the thing I started ends up becoming something else. It’s a compulsion and a part of how my anxiety chooses to manifest itself and it cannot be stopped.
There are those rare moments where I outsmart my brain chemicals into action and am all “right, I will do this and I will do it now and it will be good enough” - but even then, I usually go back and edit bits, rearrange sentence structure, or delete whole paragraphs time and time again.
But this time I can’t! What I’ve said is already out there and I have no control and I AM IN SUCH DISTRESS RIGHT NOW.
3 Notes/ Hide
- goodmorningvelma said: OH GOD my brain works like yours re: writing, and it makes being in school very, very difficult. I’m sure you were brilliant! But I’m sorry you’re in distress now. I hope you can feel better about it soon. <3
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